The Covenant Blog

Communication

As I wrote before; the three essential threads of marriage are communication, money, and sex. I will focus on the most important (communication) today.

Communication has been a weak area for me most of my life. I tend to be very liberal and out spoken on certain things. Mandy occasionally calls me an extremist. I have learned over time that I must pause before I speak. At times this makes me look like I have a lack of care or even perhaps foolish, but I have learned that if you let your mind process what is being said you can answer with deep thought. This has worked out a lot better for me over the last few years.

It is so important for you to watch what you say. Words really do matter and so does your delivery of those words. As Jesus says in Matt 15:18, the words you speak come from the heart and that is what defiles you. I believe the less you speak the less likely you will be to sin and hurt people.

Over the years Mandy and I have learned to fight fair. We try to make it a goal to never go the bed angry. Whether right or wrong, we will apologize to one another for losing our cool. We both have very different views on certain things and sometimes we have to agree to disagree. That is what makes our relationship so beautiful. She balances my thoughts and I do the same with hers. God knew exactly what He was doing when He arranged our covenant.

My advice on making your communication better with your spouse is to sit down at least 15 minutes a day with no distractions. This will help you discuss the things on your mind and it will bring you closer. You may never know what each other is going through otherwise unless you make a priority to sit down and talk daily.  

By the way, marriage will be the toughest job you ever have! It requires you to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The only break you get is when you sleep and you may occasionally get a kick or a slap in the middle of that. Remember the things that become the greatest in your life will be the things you work on the most.

Matthew 15:18 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)

But what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and this defiles a man.

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Fight the Good Fight

1 Timothy 6:11-12 Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)  But you, man of God, run from these things, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight for the faith; take hold of eternal life that you were called to and have made a good confession about in the presence of many witnesses.

Everyone has that thing that is in their life that will not leave them alone. For some it is greed, others it is anger, some it is drugs/alcohol, but for me it is lust. It has taken me almost 39 years to be able to admit that this is ­my greatest struggle. In 2 Corinthians, Paul called his “thing” a thorn in the flesh. I believe King David had the same struggle that I have and God called him a man after His own heart.

I have asked the Lord to take this away many times, just as Paul did I suppose. From my experience, as I have prayed about this “thorn”, God has sent the right people at the right time to help me to get through and to overcome.  It seems as if the temptation has increased as I have drawn closer to God. Revelations 12:11 says that I will overcome this by the blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony. So that is where I will focus my attention. Therefore, my freedom is in the blood and also in my testimony.

My grandfather passed away when I was a young boy. I remember finding his billfold in a box at the top of a closet one day. As I was going through it I found a card that said the dirty old man club. Little did I know that my life battle would be trying to stay out of that horrible club. My grandfather on my other side has had many troubles with this issue as well. My dad has also struggled in this area. One might say that the cards were stacked against me, but I do not blame any of the three men for my troubles in life. I take full responsibility for everything that I have done and everything that has come out of my mouth knowing that I will soon answer for it all. My goal is that this generational curse ends with me. The difference between these three men and me is the words you are reading on this page. I acknowledge that I have done things that God is not pleased with; our sinful nature will always displease God and it honestly displeases me too. However, I know that it is only God’s Word that ultimately defines me, not my past nor my ancestors. I am blessed and highly favored!

Everyone has a struggle. You must find a friend that you trust to talk to about your struggles. I found that the more you talk about your issue(s) the more aware you are of it/them. Satan wants you to keep all of your dirty secrets inside so he can torture you for the rest of your life. As you bring these things out in the open with trusted friends, then your freedom truly begins. You never know, your testimony may help set your friends free as well.

We must fight the good fight and reveal our testimony often so that we can overcome and be counted not with the transgressors but with the saints of God. Only by the Grace of God will we win this battle!

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